I find a ghost in the machine: a German forum post from 2009. A tool called USB Multiboot 10 . It uses a hacked NTLDR and a custom usb.inf that forces XP to treat the USB as a fixed disk. But there’s a catch: the motherboard has to support USB hard disk emulation, not just removable.

My boss, a man named Vern who still uses a flip phone, hands me a fresh SanDisk Cruzer Extreme USB 3.0 stick. “Make it run XP,” he says. “The county’s traffic light system only talks to XP. And they refuse to upgrade. You have six days.”

He hands me a check. It clears.

I nod. “Don’t ever unplug that drive. Don’t run Windows Update. And for the love of God, don’t let anyone sneeze near the USB port.”

That SanDisk still lives. I know because the county calls me once a year when a storm knocks out power. The USB XP boots, runs the lights through a batch file that pings a dead NTP server, and holds the intersection together.

I try again. And again. I try every USB mass storage driver from the XP driver cab. I hack the registry—adding Start=0 to usbstor , usbhub , usbehci . Nothing.